mommy, is your phone more important than me?

I always hear the word "Mindfulness" nowadays. I have an idea what it is but I am admittedly someone who’s not good in practicing it. Mindfulness is always associated with meditation and the likes but it goes beyond that. Simply put, mindfulness is moment-to-moment awareness. Wikipedia defines it as the process of bringing one's attention to experiences occurring in the present moment.

It sounds easy but it’s not! Today, we had a short talk about Mindfulness. The Speaker made us do an activity and asks us to partner with someone. The other person will pretend to be busying herself with her phone while the other one talks. Later she asked how it felt. Of course, we all know how that feels right? But for me, it felt worse because I do that to my son often. I always have this notion that am good at multi-tasking, that I can listen and understand what he’s saying even though I am looking on my phone. And I do understand him. However, what I did not realize is how it felt for him. Because while I was doing the activity, I felt unimportant and unworthy of someone’s attention. Like whatever is in the phone is definitely way more important than me, than what I am saying. And of course, that’s not true, my kid means a lot to me! And funny thing is, the reason why I am even on the phone sometimes is because I’m reading how to better parent him. And I have my chance right there, I don't need to read about it, I just need to pay attention to him. What a cliché right?!

I remember there was even an instant when my son verbally asked me if my phone was more important than him. I felt guilty right that moment, but it quickly faded. When I saw, he’s focus shifted to something else, I picked up my phone again and hurriedly browse through my messages and FB, as if there’s some life changing news that can happen in a matter of minutes! And now I hear this again and I got reminded once more. It’s a sad realization and I know I should change my habit.

We read and hear this all the time and we try to justify and make excuses in our head. Or sometimes, we try to minimize our guilt by saying we are not doing it always anyway. But if you read this and you immediately defend yourself as to why you’re not guilty, you’re most likely are. But I am not here to judge, I’m here to share my realization and hope that we can make the change together. I wrote about this because I want to remember it while it’s still fresh, while it still hurts, because I’m sure a few days after this I’ll be back to my pretend-busy self again and jeopardize my relationship with my children. And for what? For some FB post that wouldn’t really make a dent in my life.

I remember the quote shared by our Coach one Sunday service that struck a chord in my heart. It goes this way...
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This moment, with this person, in this place, will never happen again.

And the same is true for my children. This moment where they are still eagerly wanting your attention. This moment of never ending hugs and kisses. It will be gone in a blink of an eye. My boy is turning 7 years old in a few months and I already have regrets on how much quality time I could have given him. Luckily I have an early realization. So, I’ll try once more, and if I drifted back to my old habit, I will make it a point to be mindful. Mindful of the limited time I have on my hands to make a difference to my children’s lives.